Evidently it's not so "ok" with her.
Because the post I put in here, was my blog. She (unbeknownst to me previously) is following my blog.
The post set off a flurry of wildfire yesterday. Her take was that I was degrading her and she was "unwelcome". I've re-read what I wrote and I don't see it. I've also heard feedback from a number of others who read the blog religiously and without knowing that she was upset, they all that it was great that I put all of the thought into a post that was clarifying my needs/desires and stated that my goal was to find a compromise that allowed for them to move at their pace, and me/her to move at a different pace.
Maca didn't sidestep because she was upset, which I appreciate. He was very clear with me that he thought what I wrote was very reasonable and sensible and helpful to him and her.
However, he and she have been going round and round about it since.
I feel like there is this great pressure for me to suddenly open the door to her as though she were family, when in truth, as Maca stated last night, she and Maca don't even know each other. They met online for the first time less than 2 weeks ago. They met in person for the 1st time a week ago.....
I'm supposed to just throw all caution to the wind, share my room, share my private feelings, thoughts, secrets, share my whole life with someone I don't know?
I mean, don't get me wrong-if she spends NO TIME around, we'll never know each other. I would never ask for that.
Specifically, what I'm asking for is the following list I gave Maca:
1. Our shower remains for only the two of us. (there is another full bathroom and the household rule has always been that NOONE uses our shower but Maca and I).
2. Details of our D/s dynamic & the paraphenelia that go with it remain private. (we are still in negotiation, or "again" in negotiation-we don't discuss it with anyone including GG and Mimi)
3. My dresser and the things I keep on it are "hands off". (nothing on there belongs to anyone but me, but it's in "our room" which would be "theirs" at least one night a week to start and probably more. I don't want to move my stuff from "our room" to GG's room every few days...)
4. My clothes aren't shared. (this is something I don't foresee happening-but my daughter was notorious for taking my clothing and it really bothers me, A LOT)
5. My pillow aren't shared. (I figured on picking up some extra ones just for her as a "gift" before the drama yesterday. Now, I'm just trying to stay out of the drama until they figure out wtf.)
6. My shoes aren't shared. (Sounds sort of silly-but my mom always ruined my shoes when I lived with her, by wearing them in inappropriate situations. So I don't generally like to share them.)
7. My laptop isn't shared. (I already don't generally let anyone use my laptop. I keep a LOT of private and personal stuff on it that doesn't need to be shared)
8. Macas wedding band doesn't have to remain on his finger, but if it's not on his finger, it stays with me. It's not to go on hers. (I often don't have my rings on, but they are never shared with another person because it's something special between us. Same with the ring from GG and the rings GG wears from me).
9. My towels aren't shared. (I have special towels that are just mine. Since I have herpes it's been a rule for 20 years that no one uses my towels because that is one way it can be passed on. There are LOTS of good towels in the house, so it's not like this rule would mean using shitty towels, just means not using mine which are all easily identifiable, kept in my bathroom and washed separately from the others as well.)
10. My privacy. (which I explained to Maca means that things which are personal about me, remain mine to share, not for him to share with her)
I didn't think that these were unreasonable. In point of fact, I feel like I'm being very reasonable. I know, feelings can be misleading. Which is why I posted, but what I'm hearing from others is that I'm being very reasonable too.....
(and Maca did read what I posted and he agreed that I explained things clearly AND was reasonable, so it's not like I've twisted the explanation to fit my "goal")
I happen to know that if I were to meet someone and ask to have them spend the night in our bed and asked Maca to sleep somewhere else-the answer would be HELL NO.
The theory seems to be that it's ok in this case because I have GG. Which I CAN go sleep in GG's room, but he works evenings, so it's not like we'll be together, I'll still be alone til long after bedtime....
Maca's rules are that no one uses our bed but us, no one uses our shower but us, no overnights unless one of us is unavailable (like he's working out of town or I am).....