Originally Posted by ray
I went on a date with a guy and he was ok with me dating some one else. But he'd already been introduced to poly...so I guess he doesn't count. Sadly, there wasn't much chemistry. I know that I struggled feeling guilty about dating a married guy for awhile. Now I'm mostly ok. Just if they're having a fight or disagreement, I'll worry that it's my fault. Or if A seems down, I'll worry that it has something to do with me. Luckily, they have other problems besides me. And I doubt that 'problem' is the word they'd use to describe me anyway.
Mr. A used to get quite worried about discussions Indigo and I would have. At first, they were "transitioning to poly" discussions and while they weren't about him specifically, I could understand his fear. But he was never the focus of these talks; it was poly in general. I always told him, if it wasn't him, it'd be someone else experiencing the growing pains.
Now, he will ask me if everything is alright when Indigo texts me. Everything is fine; Indigo's usually telling me about the pets or asking a question about house stuff, or just sending texts into the ether for me to read when I want.
He struggled with the guilt, too. We took Mono's advice. When Indigo was comfortable, he made friendship overtures to Mr. A and has since welcomed him whole-heartedly in our home. It was much more difficult for him to feel like the other man when he had a rapport with Indigo.