Yeah, SNeacail I did realize that when I wrote it. I initially had the word "even" in there i.e. "even I feel sorry"
Part of it's about projection. People have a tendency to project themselves into a situation. That's what I'm doing with Vodkafan; that's what my son-in-law was doing with me and that's what people in small towns who see a secondary out with the husband of a mono are doing (among other things).
It's just unfortunate that people seem better able to project themselves positively into the position of a poly than a mono and that gets wearying after a while. It's hard enough to feel good about our situation without so often being in the position of having to (or feeling that we have to), defend it.