I am currently married in a monogamous relationship, though I am becoming increasingly unhappy. I still love my wife and even though she has flaws, I still find her an incredible person with many qualities, a beautiful soul. I have always been faithful for years, even living months away from her.
Problem is, she is very jealous, competetive with other females, terrified of me cheating on her, which exherts an unnecessary pressure on me, specially because I am faithful as probably no other man, and I feel like I have to constantly justify myself or be careful that she doesnt see me talking to girls or whatever. If im watching a movie that has a sex scene and she comes in the room, she is already all worried "Is this porn?!".
I told her many times that I wouldnt have a problem if she had something with another person, as long as the person had positive intentions. Nowadays guys are too crude.. But that this is all her decision, if and with who she wants to have sex/have a relationship, that she should do what her conscience tells her.
I believe in that cliche Ļif you love someone, set them free", and I live by it. I dont think I possess her or she posseses me. I think that more people can love each other without being a problem
But she cannot understand it, she says she could never say the same for me, she couldnt stand thinking of me being with another girl and so on.. She said she wouldnt want to be with someone else either.
The point is, I think she isnt necessarily monogamous in her essence either, but she was brought up to believe in, through culture, family and through tv (she always watched typical brainwashing romantic comedies where the myth of the perfect couple is always played). Together with social conditioning, I think the other main factor is a self esteem problem. If she was sure of herself, she wouldnt feel threatened by other women. Its all a pity because this all makes it a problematic relationship, even though exactly without this it would be amazing, because I see how beautiful she is inside and I wish she would see it herself also and be free.
She once, in a rare moment of personal liberation, said she wanted to be with someone else.. Not someone specific, but she would just like to experience someone else. I reiterated what I felt and if she wanted she was free, but her social conditioning of daily life turned her back into saying "I couldnt imagine being with someone else"..
So I think eventually im gonna have to separate from her, at least for some time, but I still will be open to having something throughout my whole life with her if she ever becomes less possessive. I would love to share my life with her, help each other grow, but not being attached and obligated to be only with her, plus all the unnecessary emotional trouble that comes from the unrealistic demands.
Im no don juan who gets all the girls, not the macho tough protective guy that girls normally want... So to find someone else, and on top of it, someone who is open like this, is gonna be tough... You guys think I stand a chance?
Plus, I've never even done this so I dont know in practice how it would work. I love women and am mostly interested in them, do not feel specially attracted thinking of men, but who knows im open to try it sometime if its someone with conscience.. Would love mostly to be with a few enlightened girls that are happy with each other also, but then again, who wouldnt? haha (but of course if they wanted to be with someone else, no prob by me)
What kind of relationship settings did you guys find to work? two couples? triad? more?
Isnt it nearly impossible to find people that meet all the usual criteria plus being poly? Or have more and more people become critical of monogamy?
sorry for the long post, its nice to be able to get this out