I'm with RP. I don't know all the dynamics of your relationships but I do know that we all should be considerate of the feelings and requests of other people. Though, we know this is a big part of building the balance in our poly relationships, we still find ourselves having to address it more often than we should because the very concept falls through the cracks-sometimes intentionally and sometimes not. In this case, I think some of the interactions may have a lot to do with both you and your husband's mindsets. I don't know if you remember the brief discussion you and I had on a previous posting about marital viewpoints in a poly environment? To me, the situation derives from the same thing. The mindset is, "You're his wife, you feel this particular way right now but you're overreacting, therefore he's going to move forward with what he wants to do because you'll eventually see (or be convinced) that your feelings/viewpoints were unwarranted and you Were overreacting" (basically, you'll get over it) OR "he's your husband so he should interact with you/react to you in a certain way and exclude the people you request whether or not he agrees with you". He did state that this action was taken prior to you expressing you did not want to invite them into this forum though he is unclear of the reason so ... I may be 'completely' off base but that is just something that I see as being a possibility whether it's conscious or not.
It's also unhealthy that you feel like you are being verbally jumped on by anyone or you feel that you have to defend your feelings and opinions. Though, you have used this forum as a sounding board for your unfiltered thoughts and experiences, the addition of more of your circle doesn't have to be a bad thing. It would allow them to see things that you, otherwise, wouldn't say to them in person (online is very good for that) and you can better breakdown and express what you mean because you don't have to do it on the spot allowing you more time to really reflect on some of these things, thereby, allowing the other people to do the same. Then, with member feedback, the other people can also be exposed to viewpoints they may have never considered.
Either way, I hope things work out for you. I enjoy reading your postings and watching your journey. *hugs*