One thing to be cognizant of is if your words and actions match up.
For me and our poly disaster - i was being told "its ok, we'll go slow, we know you need time" and then their words/actions told me "you should be ok with this already - we are"
And if I asked for things to slow down because I felt pressured and pushed... I was called controlling, irrational and unreasonable.
They would say one thing, then do another. i felt there was no respect of ME and my feelings and so in order to protect myself, I pulled further and further away, putting more and more restrictions - because every time I gave an inch - they took a mile and demanded the rest of the freaking journey.
They broke up when I told my husband that I wasn't going to make him choose - but I was going to have to choose for myself. It was about a month later when hubby and I had a conversation and he apologized to me for the damage he caused us. With the NRE out of the way - he was able to clearly see what he had been doing.
I am not suggesting that this is what is happening - but that was my experience.
Good luck figuring it out.