Originally Posted by preciselove
Maybe a bit more context. The plan is for the 3 of us to have kids, so both of them will be having kids with me. Not sure if that matters or not.
I guess with the "new" woman in the relationship (new being about 9 months in) and a newborn already here it may be best just to wait a little on what to say she is to the child until she has her own children (and hence fully committed to the family).
I guess one reason people prefer using their real name is it is easier to leave the relationship compared to if they called you dad or mum. If this "New" relationship doesn't last and we have been letting the children call her "mum" then they have lost a "mum" instead of "jane".
Still, with friends calling themselves "aunts" or "uncles" to our child I feel like if there was a special word for "mum #2" it would ensure they are "different" than most people in name as well as function.
As well as it might be easier, it certainly isn't a reason for it. It is the lovers who lose the relationship. Children too young have no idea on what has happened and those too old just couldn't care less. There is no middle ground between the two either. However, if you have grown up with these children from young to old, then yes, they are losing someone they saw as a sort of parental figure perhaps. But that is not their fault is it? Just because your relationship with your partners messes up, you have no right to stop that relationship between the child and those ex partners of yours. In that case, you could argue they have lost nothing. Your problems don't become their problems.