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Old 01-02-2011, 03:13 AM
AutumnalTone AutumnalTone is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Kansas City Metro
Posts: 2,188
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Originally Posted by Olderwoman View Post
I am new to the term polyamory and I am not clear on WHAT exactly it is or what the proper definition of it is.
That much is clear from what you've posted.

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I believe in honesty above all in a relationship. Therefore you can't start making rules for your partner (married or not) and start telling them what they are and are not "allowed" to do or who they are allowed to love.
Folks are free to negotiate whatever limits they wish, however. Agreeing to avoid doing something because one's lover is uncomfortable with it is a valid reason to choose to avoid doing that thing.

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Being able to tell the difference between a base chemical sexual attraction and finding a compatible person that you can learn from and truly love is the tricky part.
That's the tricky part of relationships in any form. What's your point?

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If you like to "fall in love" a lot, I would suggest that maybe marriage might not be a good idea unless you resolve to be honest with your spouse that you have no intention of remaining monogamous.
This is a site for people who are honest about being nonmonogamous. What's your point?

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Marriage then, would be sort of a business relationship. Lets share a house and expenses and pop out a few kids, but lets not demand each other be 100% monogamous. Lets be honest with each other.
Again, what's your point?

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Being honest with each other need not mean that we have to spill our guts about every affair we have and the details.
First, to be engaged in an honest, open relationship, one does have to make it clear to existing partners when one gets involved with a new partner. That's an essential part of that whole honesty thing.

Next, having multiple relationships does not have to mean engaging in affairs. Affairs happen within the realm of mono relationships and your use of the term here reinforces the supposition that you have no experience with--nor understanding of--polyamory.

Last, there's nothing about being open about relationships that requires sharing details of interactions with other partners. That statement also highlights that you don't do poly and have no understanding of what it is you're speaking of. I'm not certain what it is you think you're criticizing by offering that up, though I know it doesn't apply to polyamory in general.

Are you here to learn about poly? I'll suggest refraining from trying to criticize polyamory until you have a better understanding of it.
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When speaking of various forms of non-monogamy...it ain't poly if you're just fucking around.

While polyamory, open relationships, and swinging are all distinctly different approaches to non-monogamy, they are not mutually exlusive. Folks can, and some do, engage in more than one of them at a time--and it's all good.
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