Thread: Paranoia?
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Old 01-02-2011, 02:43 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Canada
Posts: 7,683

This is "going at the pace of the one struggling the most" insanity (kidding ) there is taking it slow and then going backwards. There is respectfully waiting for someone to be on the same wave length and letting them dictate the pace entirely. It's everyone's right in a relationship dynamic to contribute to the pace and she doesn't seem to be able to allow you to do that. You don't seem to be willing to push the issue in order to get your needs met either.

I think if this were me it would be time to make a date to all sit down and talk about where this is all heading. It might be make or break time. It might be scary, but the reality is that it really can't go on the way its going, can it?

I think she has stuff going on that you don't know about and she might benefit, and therefore you, to have space to be able to talk frankly about her concerns. I think I would ask her questions and really listen to what she says... ask more questions and listen again.. when she is finished talking then ask what she would like to see happen, if she hasn't said already.

After that it can be your turn to talk about your observations, feelings, needs and requests. This is really a standard way of discussing conflicts and it has worked really well for us in our tribe. Perhaps it will help as it seems a possible component to your relationship not working right now is that there isn't a lot of communication.

There is lots written on here about communication. There is a sticky on the topic and doing a tag search will bring up some good threads too.
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