Originally Posted by marksbabygirl
Not here its not - you can choose to marry a man or a woman.
The whole theory of dissolving an existing marriage to 'make things equal' makes a lot of assumptions about poly, the couple in question and how things 'should' be. Smacks a lot of the ONE TWUE WAY
and I think you'll find that there is no one TWUE way of practicing poly, or anything else.
My husband and I will never divorce simply to 'make things equal' - it would be unfair to him, to our children and to our selves. The fact that we choose to NOT remain monogamous has nothing to do with why we married in the first place.
Someone else has it noted on their signature - there are as many ways to practice polyamory as there is people practicing it.
I am new to the term polyamory and I am not clear on WHAT exactly it is or what the proper definition of it is. If its just screwing around with multiple partners married or not, without lying about it, well, that fad has been around for the last 60 years. I guess then, its nothing new, I just may have learned the term for it.
I believe in honesty above all in a relationship. Therefore you can't start making rules for your partner (married or not) and start telling them what they are and are not "allowed" to do or who they are allowed to love.
I remember when my friends were engaging in "swinging" and "open marriage" and I didn't go for it at all. It just seemed reckless and demeaning to me.
But I do understand "falling in love" with more than one person.
Being able to tell the difference between a base chemical sexual attraction and finding a compatible person that you can learn from and truly love is the tricky part.
If you like to "fall in love" a lot, I would suggest that maybe marriage might not be a good idea unless you resolve to be honest with your spouse that you have no intention of remaining monogamous.
Marriage then, would be sort of a business relationship. Lets share a house and expenses and pop out a few kids, but lets not demand each other be 100% monogamous. Lets be honest with each other.
Being honest with each other need not mean that we have
to spill our guts about every affair we have and the details.
If I were to date a poly who was married, I don't think I would like him sharing details of our intimate encounter with his wife. That's just me. I think some things should be kept private. That is what intimacy is to me.