Thread: Paranoia?
View Single Post
  #1  
Old 01-01-2011, 10:02 PM
AneA AneA is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Finland
Posts: 5
Default Paranoia?

Thought I would see what opinions I get here, so here goes.

I've been poly for few years now and in love with several people, and about a year ago I fell in love with another.
Now this new love of mine (who we can call B) has been in a relationship with his/her partner for over 4 years and there is great love between them. About two years ago they opened their relationship and it's been open to this day.
They have both been having various little affairs with others and it seems like it worked well for them. Until I came along.

Since the first day I met Bee (and it was obvious something would become of us) B's partner has felt threathened by me and occasionally jealous. Now the problem here is that it took this partner about 6 months to tell B about this,
and in this time we had become very close in every way. We both love each other greatly and only wish we could explore our relationship freely and enjoy life and love. But neither of us is unreasonable or selfish and try to keep everyone happy, perhaps we are both too unselfish (one of my other loved ones said that to me).

So first this partner of B asked that we would not be physical for the time being. Ok, fine, we both agreed that we can put that part of our relationship on hold if it helps her to get her head in order and cope with this.
So three/four months pass and things progressed further into the wrong direction when B's partner now becomes incredibly anxious when me and B spend time together as she believes that we are having sex despite both of us trying to convince her that we would never break her trust. So, she wanted to limit the time we can spend together to just few hours per
meeting.
Ok, I didn't like this at all and neither did B, but we agreed to this also. Hey, if it helps and as long as there is light at the end of the tunnel.

But there seems to be no light as three more months passed since all that and things just do not progress anywhere.
As I said B and I have been greatly in love for about a year now and we are very close despite all these restrictions.
B truly loves her partner and spends a lot of time with her and talks about everything with her but it just doesn't seem to help, she has problems believing anything that B or I tell her and this is sucking all the energy out of B. Now I like her also (as a friend) and try to spend time with her (the three of us try to do things together at times) when I can so she would get to know me better but I'm never quite sure what is on her mind.
We've been talking with B about this situation several times but we're both bit at a loss here.
We do not wish to hurt B's partner, but we both agree that our feelings are too deep so we have no desire to give up either as we see great potential in this relationship. We are very frustrated as nothing seems to help and we both want this to be resolved.

This partner has talked about her feelings and fears to us somewhat. Fear of loss is a big one, fear that B will somehow
stop loving her (this is simply not possible and B tries to convince her all the time). She is also recovering from a rather severe eating disorder and feels
inferior when she compares herself to me, and as we know comparing is very bad but so far nothing has helped this either.

So what can we do about this somewhat paranoid(?) partner B has? Or is this a lost cause that will drive everyone crazy?

I know no one has a clear solution to this, but I gladly welcome all opinions.
Reply With Quote