So much going on for you RP. I am so sorry! Remember to try and take care of yourself while you are taking care of others.
I know for me, I got suicidal when I felt I was a burden to everyone, and that everyone would be happier without me there messing everything up. I can't say what pulled me out of it, but I know I was tired. I was so tired of fighting. It helped when people spent time with me, by making the plans. I didn't have to try to entertain people who were there to make me feel better. They already had a plan of stuff to do so off we went. It gave me something to look forward to that I didn't have to put forth the energy on. That gave me the opportunity to use the energy on repairing the damage and working on myself.