Congrats in the weight loss!
I'm sorry you and your wife arent on the same page. Culturally, maybe biologically, men are more able to have sex without love (swinging) and women need love to want sex (polyamory).
However, some swingers find they fall in love with their play-partners. Then what?
I agree, overnights or weekends or vacations away with an OSO usually don't happen right away. My ex and I, and now my current gf and I have had to work out boundaries around that, as far as money spent, how much we communicate while the other is away, etc.
Try this site for more info on opening mono relationships to being poly. Most of the work is on open communication and self knowledge leading to boundaries you are both comfortable with.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
"Master," (mono, 36), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years