I can certainly feel for you in this situation since I am very much in a similar situation, I recently about 5 weeks ago meet a wonderful guy that aproached me in that he wanted to persue a casual relaionship, but then we started to notice that the more we meet up and hung out with each other the deeper we got attached to each other.
Since the agreement that he had with girlfriend was that he could find play mates but not become romantically involved with them we both became concerned that we might be hurting her in the process of all this.
now when it really got odd was that he decided to tell her what was going on between him and I, and he talked with her about this I think over an entire weekend.
and then contacts me asking if I wanted to try and become a second girlfriend to him and his current one. Which kind of took me aback because I did not expect things between him and I to begin going in this direction. I honestly did not know where things were going before that either, I just knew that both him and I made each other happy.
and he had a lot of things happen to us that we were not really happy about at that point in our lives. But I was open to the idea of persuing a poly relationship and tried to spend time with both him and his gf.
there were a few times that because of texting each other back in forth we had mis communications about things but I tried to make it up to her by being nice and understanding about it and also giving her gifts.
because a lot of times in relationships I do that kind of thing to try to make a person feel good.
It was something that my prvious relationships did for me and I found enjoyable and generious on their parts to treat me as such.
I just kept finding that any time I tried to speak with her that my words would get turned around and changed to what she seemed to want to hear. and I would just be completly ignored.
I believe that was due to the fact that she was and still is scared that she is being replaced by me, and that I am trying take over her life.....
but really from what I have heard him say it seems they have both had issues with each other for quite some time now and the only reason he is still involved with her because she is pregnant with a child on the way and they have an 18 month old now.
I do realize not all the blame is on her this was my first time in a "real" poly relationship and I am sure that I could have done thing a lot better but I really did try to do the best I could I tried to be fair to the both of them tried to be honest and kind to them both but.....it just seemed that I could not do anything to make this situation turn good.
and even though i tried with all my might to be as kind and understanding about the situation as I could, that is being totally ignored by the gf and she is now calling the shoots as to if the bf can use the phone or even talk to me at all.
It felt wonderful and amazing to meet this man that made genuinely happy and I will admit that there many times I was happy with all three of them....but it just did not seem to be constant one day it would be one thing and the other it would be total chaos and drama.
All I truly wish right now is that I could speak with the bf himself and just hear his take on the situation, because so far it has only been the gf telling me how he feels......and not be mean but I don't really turst her in that all she is saying is really how he feels. If I could hear from him that he really wants this to stop and to end I would be more then happy to let things just be that way. but hearing it second hand makes me have doubts.
I think the best course of action is to leave it alone let it breath and see if someone wants to come forward and talk about it later, if he really is in love with me like he claims he was then he should at least care about me enough to try and discuss how he feels.
I just saw him yesterday and in no way did he make it seem like he wanted to end things like she is claiming he does.
my apologies for ranting just fairly tired and upset from all this, it all got dumped on me literally today.
before anyone replies back to this yes I realize very much so there lots of warning signs I should have been watching out for with this situation.....and I hope I can move on from this and learn from it.