Thread: Something More
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Old 12-31-2010, 12:29 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
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Yeah - it was funny - hot and steamy, tied up and he goes for the lube... I'm helpless on the bed... all of a sudden he's gone... good thing I wasn't gagged or blindfolded...

Its been a painful and frustrating journey for me. We were extremely ill-prepared for what happened, and the ripples continue to affect us even as recently as last night.

We finally came to a point of understanding last night - there were some things that were said and done that hurt me... during their relationship, and continuing on after...

I have come to some conclusions about myself and what I need to work on me and get ME to a healthy place - and some things I need from HIM for us to have healthy communication - IE: I want more kids. I don't want to give birth - I'd love to adopt - and he said he'd think about it. And kept saying that. Until finally last night, he admitted that NO he does not want to adopt - he's really truly done. It was a huge breakthrough for the both of us - I need him to not be so afraid of upsetting me that he hurts me more. (in this instance, by keeping the hope alive that we'd have a gorgeous little girl running around) I need to grieve and move on and I can't if he continues to give me false hope.

Short story long - I need him to tell me the truth, not tell me what he thinks I want to hear in order to keep me happy. Incongruencies and out of sync communication seriously messes with me.

And I need to be ok in my own skin.

We continued to talk last night about how he knows he can love another - but for him - will choose not to persue anyone - the stress of what happened these past months has taken a physical toll on him that he chooses not to repeat.

I was able to tell him that I still think about other people. I am half in love with his brother - and he's ok with that. I don't want to actively seek out another relationship at this point - but its ok if something finds me.

But my focus for 2011 will be my own mental and physical health and my family. Everything else will come secondary to that.
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