Thread: Something More
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Old 12-31-2010, 12:29 AM
marksbabygirl marksbabygirl is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: Squamish, BC
Posts: 790

Yeah - it was funny - hot and steamy, tied up and he goes for the lube... I'm helpless on the bed... all of a sudden he's gone... good thing I wasn't gagged or blindfolded...

Its been a painful and frustrating journey for me. We were extremely ill-prepared for what happened, and the ripples continue to affect us even as recently as last night.

We finally came to a point of understanding last night - there were some things that were said and done that hurt me... during their relationship, and continuing on after...

I have come to some conclusions about myself and what I need to work on me and get ME to a healthy place - and some things I need from HIM for us to have healthy communication - IE: I want more kids. I don't want to give birth - I'd love to adopt - and he said he'd think about it. And kept saying that. Until finally last night, he admitted that NO he does not want to adopt - he's really truly done. It was a huge breakthrough for the both of us - I need him to not be so afraid of upsetting me that he hurts me more. (in this instance, by keeping the hope alive that we'd have a gorgeous little girl running around) I need to grieve and move on and I can't if he continues to give me false hope.

Short story long - I need him to tell me the truth, not tell me what he thinks I want to hear in order to keep me happy. Incongruencies and out of sync communication seriously messes with me.

And I need to be ok in my own skin.

We continued to talk last night about how he knows he can love another - but for him - will choose not to persue anyone - the stress of what happened these past months has taken a physical toll on him that he chooses not to repeat.

I was able to tell him that I still think about other people. I am half in love with his brother - and he's ok with that. I don't want to actively seek out another relationship at this point - but its ok if something finds me.

But my focus for 2011 will be my own mental and physical health and my family. Everything else will come secondary to that.
Some believe in destiny, and some believe in fate
I believe that happiness is something we create

My Journey to Health and Fitness
My Journey as a Widow

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