This might turn out to be a long update...
Tonberry is talking about leaving.
I started my therapy earlier this month, as well as anti-depressants, she feels like she'll get in the way of my feeling better while not being able to deal with her problems as long as she's here in Canada. I've also made a lot of mistakes in our relationship and broken more than a few promises, something that I'm hoping therapy will help me to not do anymore, but at this point I might have broken to many for my marriage to be saved.
To say the least, I'm depressed and scared right now.
I'm staying with family for a few days to give Tonberry some space to think about things, and in the meantime researching apartments in the Vancouver area so we can move in a couple months if she does decide to stay with me, which I'm hoping she will.
Beyond that, I'm just at a loss for what to do. She knows I love her, and she loves me too, but I don't know if that's enough to make things work right now. Even if I can learn not to make the same mistakes I always do, to keep falling into the same patterns, can it ever make up for all the times I've hurt her in the past by doing just that?
More than anything I wish I could go back five years and tell myself that my depression won't get better by itself, that I needed the help back then that I need and am getting now... but that can never happen.
I just don't know what to do...