good for you not taking your affair into sex. I suggest you keep it that way. IF you do a tag search for "affairs" and "cheating" and read around the sitckies you will see this is a big topic on here that comes up over and over again. Many have passed down this road before you. I suggest you take heed of their wisdom.
The ball is largely in her court with this one. I suggest you promote her intergrity. Look after your own and be as open and honest as you can using her cues to do so. Empathy is a big part of Poly as well as respect... make sure you are acting out of these two also and take your time... good things come to those that wait. It might not be this love you find fits your life, but another that comes out of the learning from this time in your life. Being open to that and not hording the love you have but expanding it is what it is all about for me... perhaps taking on this attitude will fair you well also. It sounds like you are on the path to some new discoveries and are doing well so far... keep at it and be patient.
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