I'm a newbie - with lifelong awareness and interest in poly-type relationships - almost finished reading "Polyamory in the 21st Century" by Deborah Anapol, and feel strongly that honesty, empathy and integrity are essential values to have.
I would like to hear feedback from others here about how if possible to move a potential lover from a "having an affair" approach, to talking to her husband about having an open relationship.
So far we've had some wonderful flirtations, so we are already in "having an affair" mentality, and we have not directly talked about actually becoming sexual, though it feels clear that is what she wants. I like her husband and have some evidence he suspected me of being her lover at one point, and was irritated by her behavior, more so than by mine. Since that happened I've declined to take our "affair" into sex, but continued flirtations, and worked at relating to him in a positive manner. Maybe I've already let it go too far to be able to turn it around.
"Polyamory in the 21st Century" says "unhealthy monomgamy leads to unhealthy poly", and I want the freedom that open honest poly offers, rather than the limited secret affair.
I'm thinking of taking the initiative of talking to both of them, in an effort to move in a positive honest direction, but am not sure if I am in total denial of reality, in utopian fantasy that I can simply address this complex subject like a rational adult and everyone will be happily agreeable, or what?
I'd appreciate any feedback.
Thank you all,
Last edited by Today349; 12-29-2010 at 02:57 PM.
Reason: poll questions need refining