Sorry, this lady doesn't sound all that emotionally stable. The name calling and insults is a huge red flag for me. When others I'm talking to start doing this, I stop listening (usually political or religous discussions) and I tend to tune their opinion out from then on. This is not comming from a place of logic, it is purely emotional.
Just my personal opinion, from your description, she said what you wanted to hear when you first started dating and is now trying to manipulate you to fit into her mold. The distance may be feeding her fears, or maybe this is just who she is. Either way, it doesn't sound like a healthy relationship, I suscpect that if it wasn't poly, it would be something else.