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Old 04-24-2009, 05:06 PM
CDarklock CDarklock is offline
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Puyallup, WA
Posts: 12

Originally Posted by Jefferz View Post
I am willing, really, to accept her taking other lovers if I have the confidence, from you guys, that it can be a beneficial thing in this scenario.
You need to have the confidence from within.

I think your heart is in the right place. I think your intentions are good. We all know what's paved with those.

You clearly have doubts. We're not the best people to dispel them. We don't know your partner. We don't know who she is or what she's like. The best people to dispel your doubts are you and her.

When my wife and I opened up our marriage, we had a very long discussion about it. Months long. The questions she had couldn't be answered by someone else. The question I had couldn't, either. We had to talk to one another. A lot. We had to ask hard questions and give hard answers.

The question of love was very significant there. My wife wanted to have a rule that we couldn't be attached, that it always had to be "just sex". I don't believe there is any such thing. It was a sticking point, that the door had to be open for the possibility that either of us might actually fall in love. We had to deal with that. Nobody could have dealt with it for us. We had to be okay with it, each of us in our own way, on our own terms.

Can this be good for your relationship? Yes. It can also be very bad for it. It can also not change anything at all. There's a frequently used phrase in this scene, "it works if you work it".

I think you've got the right mindset and the right idea. Talk to your partner. That's honestly the best place to get your questions answered.
"Everyone you meet in your life - even total strangers - is already intimately connected to you. The idea that we are all separate and distinct beings is nothing but an illusion. We are all parts of a larger whole, like individual cells in a body."
- Erin Pavlina
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