View Single Post
Old 12-28-2010, 09:24 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,443

Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
If you go into sex the same way you'd go into a concert - with the idea you are exploring musical tastes and passion for music - together, then the only thing you bring away is that you are either very similar, somewhat similar, or maybe not even on the same page. Nothing more than one more piece of information that will play into the interaction if a relationship builds. I say it a lot - too much's ONLY sex ! Only one piece of the puzzle.
I used to think that, but it didn't work for me... I think it might not work for everyone that way. If I just want the sexual gratification, masturbation works fine. Sex with someone is an activity together, that's bonding. Actually, I wouldn't go to a concert with a stranger either, but that might be just me.

I thought of a good comparison earlier today: going to the bathroom with the door open. If it's someone you already trust and you do it, it has the result of your feeling "we don't have anything to hide from one another: even that, which is super intimate, we can do in front of one another". If it's a total stranger, it feels like an intrusion of your privacy and you feel less comfortable with them afterwards. If it's a friend, it might still have the same result. You need a high level of trust for the experience to make you closer rather than turn you away from one another or creating awkwardness.

I don't know why it is that way, and I don't see it as a problem that needs to be fixed. So I don't feel a need to work on it. I don't feel that I need to have sex with more people, or without an emotional connection. I don't think it's inherently wrong or anything like that, but I think it doesn't work that way for me, and that's that. Learning to have sex without an emotional connection is, to me, like learning to use the bathroom in public: not something that would take anything from me, but not something I really have any use for either.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
Reply With Quote