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Old 12-28-2010, 06:20 PM
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Polymonial Polymonial is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 27
Default Rules of dating

My wife says that she would be very happy for me to have an OSO, but she's freaked out about the DATING process. In her heart of hearts, she wants me to find my OSO by accident (the same way she found hers), as a true love at first sight unavoidable sparks flying everywhere kind of event. For that, she would have a great deal of compersion.

What she hates is the idea of me posting my picture up on an online dating service, going to dating clubs, or otherwise putting myself out there. She doesn't understand why I'd want to date people unless it's the instant-attraction cupid arrow love of my life type of rare find. She hates "meat markets" and hates me interacting in anything that even remotely resembles one.

She's also afraid that I could find an OSO very quickly if I tried, that I have a lot of "charm", and that I could attract not just nice people (for whom she's have compersion) but also axe murders. Lots of emotions and fears. At the same time, she realizes that this is completely fair and understandable, and from the beginning she gave me her permission to date. She's just wresting with the reality now that I AM dating (or moreso WAS getting ready to date, before I put that on hold temporarily to give her a chance to be more prepared for it).

I don't think she's trying to put any of those rules in place to make this fail. In fact, part of the rules were that she could not reach out or talk to any of the people until I'm ready, and that even through she could read my profile page, she couldn't criticize it or even bring up anything about it except for things she considered to be "safety concerns", such as having a recognizable picture of myself on it, unfortunately. lol

So it's very touchy right now, and I'm hoping that a little pause in this process will help take a bit of the edge off. At the same time, I'm looking for a sanity check myself, to see if these rules are a bit overly restrictive and not respecting the space I need, or if instead I need to err on the side of giving her more info than less in order to be 100% open and transparent, even before I've even introduced myself to someone I may be interested in.

Ideally, if she could just give me a little space in the early days of my meeting someone (doesn't have to be long... just a week or two, or even less if we hit it off quickly), then I think the process would be a LOT smoother and everything / everyone would work out great.

Last edited by Polymonial; 12-28-2010 at 06:28 PM.
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