Originally Posted by redpepper
.... such a fine line between waiting to have sex because you want to be sure that it is with the right person, and having sex to see if you are at all compatible. Maybe some heavy petting and dirty talk ahead of time would help... give each other a smell and see how each other talk? I dunno
Yea RP, it IS a fine line. Think about all the problems sex can cause in relationships - poly, mono, whatever. As a society, we still haven't gotten to the stage we can discuss the intricate details of turn on / turn off easily nor often enough. Even in long term relationships. So much goes unsaid, usually I believe, because we ARE a kind, good hearted species in general and don't want to hurt anyone.
Sexual tastes vary as much as taste in food - and like food, they can change with the mood, setting, phase of the moon, you name it. Which is why I believe from a sexual sense, monogamy makes no sense whatsoever. Much more sensible to admit - and consent - to the fact that anyone might be in the mood for something different than the other and have the liberty to fulfill that need WITHOUT implying any shortcomings on any other's part. It's not that way. As so many people allude to (including yourself frequently), good sex involves both parties being on the same page and reality is that that's not ALWAYS going to be the case. Failure to acknowledge this and have a plan B in place causes all manner of problems that really shouldn't be !
But even given all that, I think we all have certain bare minimum expectations that if those are missing or in conflict will color the relationship darkly over time. I'm one who CAN verbalize these things clearly up front but not everyone else is comfortable with that. It seems crass or crude. Or takes away from some of the majik or sense of unexpected discovery. This I understand. So I say just go 'discover' !