Unfortunately, she was a compulsive liar who believed her own lies. She didn't want a committed triad. She wants to use poly as an excuse to sleep around and cheapen herself, which is sad.
I still think poly is a viable lifestyle for some people, but one thing I learned is that I am not one of them. I am very happy that it's just me and my husband again. The pain of what she put us through is something that will take me a long time to recover from... simply because I don't know how someone can do those things to someone else, but I guess in her case, she's also doing it to herself. She creates a situation where she's never gonna be happy or satisfied with anything or anyone.
But my marriage is as strong as ever... and he has realized that he never loved her. We got caught up in something that we never imagined would happen to us... and maybe if she'd been who she said she was, it would've worked and been different. We'll never know, and we'll never try again. That's not because I think badly about poly now... that's just because I see how much pain it can leave behind when it goes badly, and considering what my husband and I already have with each other - it's just not worth it. He's all I need... and all I want.
But good luck... I see now that a lot of the issues I had, I was rationalizing. I mean, I wanted it to work... that is very true. Now, though, I'm glad it didn't. Again, maybe that's only because the partner we chose was a lying whore (and if you knew the behavior she's exhibited since we broke up, you'd understand that that is NOT an indictment of poly, but of HER actions)... but I'll never know, and I guess on some level there's a part of me that thinks maybe it's for the best she screwed it all up, because maybe I'd never have gotten over my issues - and if she'd been what we thought, and the feelings he had for her HAD been real... that could've been an ugly situation, had I not been able to handle it somewhere down the road.
Last edited by Karelia; 12-28-2010 at 04:29 AM.