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Old 12-28-2010, 12:50 AM
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redpepper redpepper is offline
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Originally Posted by GroundedSpirit View Post
Thanks RP for helping out with this. This is the kind of 'detail' I was trying to point to without actually saying it. Am I unknowingly shy about details??????

There are many similar things that I feel define 'sexual compatibility'. These 'details' are absolutely not discernible any other way except by trying them out. (well I suppose you could 'talk' some about them but in my experience 'talk' is very different than reality).

This topic is sensitive to me because I have had several lovers (short term) who ended up falling into this bucket and it tore me up inside to gradually drift away from them without much of an explanation. I 'hope' they just looked on me as a player wanting sex. I can shoulder that burden. The truth that they were just not a turn on in bed for me would not have been something I had ANY idea how to share with them. If these had been longer term, deeper relationships...........well........I just don't know what I could have said or done. In my book, better to be the 'bad guy' then to leave them with potential emotional damage/insecurity that could impact ALL their future relationships.

If anyone has a better solution it would be wonderful because I think may people of all genders face this quandary at some point if you live an active sexual life.

GS
wow, thank you for this.... it has put some perspective into my own experience actually. Maybe I just wasn't that compatible for some men. I remember one man I met a few years back that I completely overwhelmed. He was like a dear in headlights and I gave him way too much information. He wanted a nice little lie on top of me; wanted to quietly get off with me wiggling underneath and that was that. I was/am into way more and he really didn't want that. Maybe he isn't into more than that? Maybe he wanted closeness rather than anything else? Maybe I smelled? He complained that I was wearing a new shirt and asked if I had washed it before wearing it... maybe he didn't like that???? I have gone over it in my head and don't really know. It doesn't matter really, but what you have said GS has really made me think.... such a fine line between waiting to have sex because you want to be sure that it is with the right person, and having sex to see if you are at all compatible. Maybe some heavy petting and dirty talk ahead of time would help... give each other a smell and see how each other talk? I dunno
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