I obviously have some security issues to work on. If I had been more secure and confident in the first place, things would never have gotten as bad as they did. Either I wouldn't have gotten as hurt as badly by her behavior, or I would have stood up for myself a lot sooner, and either diffused the situation with better communication, or withdrawn from the relationship sooner and without as much heartache.
My wife says 90% of this is my lover's fault for being insensitive and treating me as disposable. Personally, I think I bear a greater share of the responsibility than that. I don't like trying to "assign" percentages in such cases, but both my lover and I made some serious mistakes. I can't fix her issues, but I can fix mine, so that's what I'm working on.