Originally Posted by redpepper
On the topic of what to say to someone you aren't digging sexually- good question. I have no idea. I've had a bit of struggle with this myself. Most recently in terms of a girlfriend whom is half my age. Lovely woman, we get on great, but her taste was not appealing to me. She smelled okay in terms of body smell, but her pussy was blah. I struggled with that for sometime and didn't say anything. We are still friends and I made some excuse that I had too much going on and didn't feel I could give her the attention she needed.
Thanks RP for helping out with this. This is the kind of 'detail' I was trying to point to without actually saying it. Am I unknowingly shy about details??????
There are many similar things that I feel define 'sexual compatibility'. These 'details' are absolutely not discernible any other way except by trying them out. (well I suppose you could 'talk' some about them but in my experience 'talk' is very different than reality).
This topic is sensitive to me because I have had several lovers (short term) who ended up falling into this bucket and it tore me up inside to gradually drift away from them without much of an explanation. I 'hope' they just looked on me as a player wanting sex. I can shoulder that burden. The truth that they were just not a turn on in bed for me would not have been something I had ANY idea how to share with them. If these had been longer term, deeper relationships...........well........I just don't know what I could have said or done. In my book, better to be the 'bad guy' then to leave them with potential emotional damage/insecurity that could impact ALL their future relationships.
If anyone has a better solution it would be wonderful because I think may people of all genders face this quandary at some point if you live an active sexual life.