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Old 12-25-2010, 08:26 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
The first one would probably hurt my feelings more, but physical attraction is something you're aware of early on, I assumed by sexual compatibility you meant sharing fantasies and the like. Which in polyamorous relationships isn't as much as a big deal if you don't share 100% of the other's kinks, as they can find someone else for the ones that you're not into.
Understood. But sexual compatibility involves SO much more than basic physical attraction. I'm going to go out on a limb from this quote (plus your other writing) and guess that you may never have ended up in bed with someone who you thought 'physically' attractive only to find out that it just wasn't really there......
Nothing critical intended, just observation/interpretation of what you said.


But I'd like to 'challenge' you on the following.............
Now.........this is 'you' and so it must be of your choosing....


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
The second one would hurt me more as a person. I would feel worthless, used for my body,
Why choose this ? Wouldn't YOU be as much an active part of pursuing the sex as the other party ? Who might be using whom ? Or is ANYONE using anyone ? Or just exploring... Why does one become 'worthless' because they choose to explore sexual connection ? Seems there must be a lot of 'worthless' people in the world eh ?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
and not self-respecting enough to have tried to get what I wanted: an emotional connection.
Hmmmmmm................getting what we want eh...........interesting. And failure to even/at least attempt some manipulation we are undeserving of respect ?


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
It would hurt my own image of myself and I would like me less.
Do you think this is this your OWN image (you've constructed via much thought & effort) ? Or a personage assimilated from the society you've been exposed to ? Genuinely curious........


Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
......Having sex is a huge leap of faith I make, a huge risk that takes a lot of trust, and doing it with someone I'm not emotionally close to
I hear this - and respect it. But only because it's your personal choice, not because I believe it's accurate in general or the wisest or best choice. I agree sex, like many things DOES require trust. But we do things every day with less trust that could be equally ruinous. Somewhere our gut & instinct (plus observation/critical thinking skills) kicks in and guides us safely. We're still cruising this forum.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
....In the first case, I would still have a close friend I care for very much. In the second case, I would have nothing, except memories of things I did and now regret.
And why would you regret them (assuming there was not some disaster resulting from your choice) ? You were faced with options (early sex or not), used your experience and instinct to guide you, and made YOUR choice ? If the worst outcome was that you discovered sex was not going to work between you, why would this be a regretful choice ? It would have come sooner or later- yes?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tonberry View Post
I'm not sure what you mean by "a love (potential)" though. Are we not a couple yet? Because then, it's not like I lose anything at all...
Well - I use 'potential' because love is a complex process, especially in it's different forms. And the truth or depth of it is not discovered in the first few days, months or even years in many cases. Until then we sense 'potential' but can't be sure where where it's going to end up.

Interesting discussion.................



GS
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