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Old 12-25-2010, 07:42 PM
Tonberry Tonberry is offline
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Join Date: Apr 2010
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 1,441

Originally Posted by DharmaBum23 View Post
Actually it can be a really big deal. For example, what if you meet someone who you get along fabulously with, start dating, become extremely close emotionally and find out that the person you are dating is extremely into bondage. As in "will turn down sex if it isn't mixed with bondage" into bondage. Unfortunately something like that will mean that(unless you also are into bondage) you will not have a sexual relationship. On the other hand if you had sex early on it would become quite clear that you were dealing with "super bondage person" and part ways without painfully severing a strong emotional connection.
If someone can't have sex except in specific conditions (or won't have sex at all, if for instance they're asexual), I expect them to tell me a long time before we have sex anyways. It's not something you're supposed to learn while having sex with them!
Not having sex right away doesn't mean you can't talk about it. The kind of things that are deal breakers should be mentioned up front. The rest doesn't have to.
For instance, if that person has a bondage fetish but doesn't require it, being close emotionally before saying so wouldn't be a problem. I have tried (and liked) things with my boyfriend that I would never have been willing to try with a stranger, because of our emotional connection. And if after giving it a try it's not my thing, or if I'm not willing to give it a try (for instance I'm not into watersports at all, if someone I was dating was it would be without me) then that doesn't mean they'll never get it at all, just not from me.

I don't think it is reasonable to expect to be a 100% match sexually and emotionally. However I think all parties are more likely to compromise when there is already a connection, because it's important to someone they love, and then they might discover things they like this way.
Me: 32F, straight
Seamus: My husband, 33M, straight
Fox: My boyfriend, 30M, homoflexible
Dragon: Fox's husband (and my ex), 30M, pansexual
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