Finding common goals is really important. Good idea to find out what he is thinking of doing with his future if anything. Perhaps it could be a goal to come into a feeling of being more primary for him, or a goal to remain healthy so he can take a more active role in your life. 1 and a half years is not long. Perhaps you haven't seen the full force of his illness.
Mono doesn't subscribe to the primary role either. He has never told me he doesn't think something isn't his job because of it but he would not feel comfortable with many of the responsiblities that he deems come out of being married to someone. He steps back. I don't mind, but it doesn't change the fact that he is just as important to me as PN. *Meh* if it makes him happy... I know my investment and he knows his and I have to trust his choice to stay or I would go crazy.
I think a lot of your bf's feelings come from a fear of his depression. I wonder if he is terrified of hurting you because he may be distant one day because of it. Maybe you are a good fit for him because he knows you have someone else in your life that can take care of your needs if he is sick. Maybe he feels safe knowing you will take care of him if he ever gets really sick again. Really that is a huge amount of trust he has put on you. That has to mean something to you no? I'd say that is huge amounts of love and respect for you if I am right.
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