Originally Posted by SNeacail
Personally I don't think the terms "primary" and "secondary" are a reflection of who you love more, but more about the resposibilities they are either willing, capable or allowed to take on. <snip>
I think this guy sounds like a secondary anyway. He doesn't seem to want as much responsibility as being a primary would mean. Maybe he is scared that he'll put the effort in for nothing. I'm not sure what advice to give on helping him through that, but I'm sure someone else could chime in with something.
As it is right now, I'd say let the relationship just flow without any labels. Let him come into it at his own pace and don't push him into what he isn't comfortable with. Sit down and communicate with him often and see where he is at with things. See if there is any way you can help. Be prepared for him to always be a secondary. He may just never be comfortable with that responsibility. It shouldn't mean you love him any less.