I have rules for myself. I call them such, because I like the idea of breaking the rules, and have been known to break mine. Somehow, the fact that they are my rules and I break them makes me feel like an anarchist.... hehee... does that make sense... really they are boundaries and agreements with myself because they are fluid and changeable. That would be a more suitable description.
When Mono and I first came on this forum back in April we were BIG into what was acceptable and what wasn't. What he needed to feel safe in our relationship and what I was willing to let go of and agree to around the lifestyle he came into.
At the time my rules were: (and I think I am repeating myself as I have said these before, but whatever.....
1. My husband has to know that where my dates are and when, in case something happens.
2. two coffee dates and then they have to meet my husband.
3. Provided they are approved we can move on to a dinner date or a more serious dating situation with a possible smooch at the end.
4. Sex can come after everyone is comfortable and ready
5. that was as far as I got...
Of course with Mono I broke all the rules!
I met him for coffee, called him that night, talked on the phone for a long time (for me) then emailed, called, texted, the whole next day and the days after for about four days.... by the weekend we were very close and I went over there after a date with my husband and our other that we share. The two of them were getting it on and I just wanted Mono, so I left and drove to his house.... I don't think he had met my husband yet even! I got in big trouble from my husband and came home again. They met shortly after and the rest is history.
My husband has always been very willing to trust me entirely and let me go... possibly to my detriment as I have taken advantage of that in the past and am not proud of it... he always has known what was happening but it effected him and we didn't have enough discussion around it...
Now Mono and him have agreements with me that I find far more contained. Much like the sense of commitment you feel when you get married. One thinks that it would be confining, but it is actually freeing! It keeps me in check and makes me feel loved.
I love that we can make our own and not go by societal norms unless they fit.