Well I had breakfast with my ex on Tuesday. It was an emotional but civil and adult conversation. She wants to be friends, but isn't sure she can, since she still thinks of me as a lover and isn't sure she can adjust that back to just friends. I agree with her, I'm not sure I can either. Despite the awkwardness and pain of it all, there was still the old electricity, when we looked at each other in the eye, and when we hugged.
She said that even though she knew I loved her and she loved me, she wasn't surprised by the breakup, and that she was thinking about doing it herself. She agreed with me that our relationship had become unhealthy for both of us. She also said that everything I had said about the way she had hurt me was true, and she was sorry for it. She also said if she could do anything she could, it would be to go back and never meet the other guy in the first place. Too late for that...we have to live with the consequences of our actions. I talked about my insecurities, and how I have been working hard to resolve them. She talked about her insecurities as well, and we agreed that we both got carried away in the beginning with NRE.
She is going on a three-week business trip after Christmas, and we agreed we would meet sometime after she gets back, but in the meantime would step back. So that's where that stands. In a way, I feel like I have closure now. A big part of me thinks that I'll never see her again, but that's OK. My last memory will be of giving her a hug, and that's better than the way we parted.