Um... you love him I understand that but he isn't even coming close to treating you well. You tell him he needs to tell you BEFORE he has sex with someone new and he hasn't done it... twice.
Being poly isn't just about one partner dealing with whatever the other partner wants to do. If he isn't willing to do this within your comfort zones then it isn't a healthy relationship.
You need to sit down with him (not just let him read about your feelings) and talk about what the rules are. You need things to feel safe in this relationship (you might not always need them but you need them now and that is enough)
If you have already made the things you need very clear to him (try writing out a list and putting up somewhere in both of your places) and he is still fucking up on this level... I think you need to rethink this relationship because this won't stop happening.
Rules are bad. They aren't anti-poly. If he isn't willing to at least try to stick to rules that you need to help you feel safe then he isn't worth being with.