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Old 12-22-2010, 07:45 PM
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SourGirl SourGirl is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: South of an Igloo, North of a Desert.
Posts: 883

Agree totally with Redpepper and Quath.

This (poly) is hard. I don`t mean hard like being on Survivor, and living on rice for 30 days,..I mean it is doubly more difficult, then monogamous relationship development.

I`ve had a fairly easy ride, compared to many stories I have read, or seen develop around me. Still, if I could choose to NOT be poly in mindset, I would. Life would be simpler.

Take time, and let 'coming out' develop naturally if you can. I am catholic, and I have no intentions of coming out to anyone. As far as I am concerned, it`s not anyone`s business, and even if I was found out, they are on a need-to-know basis.
I won`t ever be living with secondaries though. So it`s easy for me to say such things. One thing I do think, watching how others handle their coming-out`s is that I really wish people would consider the feelings of those receiving such information. So many people seem to handle it like they are teling friends and family they just bought a new house. It is not a good way to handle it. Usually seems to lead to distasters, and hurt feelings.

When telling someone of a religious, or older generation, do not expect acceptance. Have reasonable expectations. People not accepting you right off the bat, is not them neccessarily being evil. It is shocking for them. They are hearing of things they have probably never heard of.

The first time any of us hear of poly, it`s overwhelming. Even if we embrace it, we usually hear concepts for the first time and shake our head and say 'no, never.' and WE are searching for that info, and still feel that way !

Put yourself in others shoes, and time things in a appropriate manner. Bits of info, are sometimes more useful, then bombarding people. Also give people lots of time to find a piece of their love and heart, that can accept you, once the shock wears off.

One day at a time..... make sure the relationship is solid first. People can`t take others seriously if things aren`t established.
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