Well, things are moving on a bit. And I am itching to talk to W about everything, but have to wait a few weeks until we are in the same place again. But a few things have happened - one, he said those three words to me, which was an incredibly special moment. It's not like I didn't know that, and don't feel what is between us, but I'm a bit too scared to admit it and he isn't - I didn't see him cracking first! Two - he's invited me to spend next thanksgiving with his family. Now I'm not American, but I'm told that's a bit of a big deal. He's already met my mum and grandmother on his last visit. I can't wait until we get this month together. It seems plain now how we feel about each other and I want us to be able to talk and work out the practicalities of how we can make this work - with the distance, and the open aspect of it, what is and isn't acceptable there.
On the other side, I had the most perfect first date with T. Dinner, a few drinks, talking, laughter, a romantic moment and public display of affection(!) at the end, both wanting to meet up again. What with xmas, it looks like we won't be able to for a while though, but we are keeping in contact once a day or so. I was careful to present my attitute towards life and relationships how it is at the moment - easy, open, free and generally unplanned. I didn't explicity say what it was I was looking for from him, or directly mention W. But we got on so well and talked very freely together, I feel I will be able to address those issues the next time we see each other, if it goes so well again and it's clear that we do like each other.
So I guess I have to figure out what it is I want so I can communicate that.......I hope I am handling things fairly so far. I feel I am.