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Old 12-21-2010, 06:11 AM
nycindie's Avatar
nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: The Big Apple
Posts: 7,064

I think you need to tell the bf point-blank what you want, in no uncertain terms, and be willing to walk away if he cannot meet your terms. At this point, he's jerking you around. Not necessarily on purpose, but he's being wishy-washy. When I was first dating my husband, he was in a relationship, engaged to someone. We were not poly; he was cheating. After two weeks, I told him, "I don't want to put you in a position of having to lie. I want my own man, not someone else's (remember, I was mono then)." I told him upfront, "either you leave her or it's over." He immediately moved out from their place and in with me shortly thereafter. However, I meant it when I said it would be over if he didn't choose me. He got that.

I think when you are sure of what you want and express it directly, without showing the insecure side of you, he will respond. Not saying what that response will be -- he could still be wishy-washy -- but you will know where he stands and act accordingly. For example, if it were me in your situation, I'd be all over it with, "I want to be with someone who isn't ashamed to be with me in front of their friends, who wants to be with me more than he wants to avoid other people's criticism. If you can't handle this, it's over. Walk beside me proudly, let me love you, or be a coward and say goodbye. The choice is yours." In your own words, of course.

Take charge, be confident that you know your own mind and state what you will not put up with. As long as you are skulking around, checking his phone, reading his messages, wondering what to do, feeling sorry for yourself, you will be at his mercy. Ultimately, YOU need to make a choice which will result in his making a choice. And then you back up your ultimatum and walk away if he wimps out. It will hurt, but you will be stronger for it.
The world opens up... when you do.

Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me. ~Bryan Ferry
"Love is that condition in which another person's happiness is essential to your own." ~Robert Heinlein

Last edited by nycindie; 12-21-2010 at 06:14 AM.
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