Long time lurker who now needs a hand...
I've been reading this board regularly for a few years, enjoying the wisdom and interactions and learning from the issues and drama.
I only just registered, despite having been in a polyamorous relationship with my then boyfriend/now husband for the last 5 years. I never felt that I had anything particularly valuable to share as far as insights, and I never felt I had come across a situation I couldn't muddle through "on my own."
While my husband and I have been together, I've dated a number of women, some quite seriously/long-term. There were ups and downs, but it never broke he and I up despite some everpresent relationship challenges.
For the last three months, I've been dating another man--the first time since my husband and I have been together, although always something that was on the table as a possibility.
Things, they are not going well.
I'm divorced twice already, despite being only 27. My family is VERY conservative and religious. I'm very mired in the current living/financial situation. I very much love both my husband and my boyfriend.
But everything is going to hell and I don't even feel like I can trust myself anymore. Mostly just desperation has driven me here, anyway, because I know my husband reads this forum sometimes and I'm still struggling with his (to me, draconian) opinions on "overshare" and "privacy" and just generally being disloyal or hurtful...
So. Sometime in the next few days I will try to get up the guts to post this giant, ridiculous, TL;DR, utterly banal story in the General section, and go from there. If I don't, I just figured I would say hello anyway. But I hope I do.
Because I really do need a hand, and I've come to trust you guys.
Thanks for reading.