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Old 12-20-2010, 04:22 PM
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BrigidsDaughter BrigidsDaughter is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Upstate NY
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Quote:
Originally Posted by whatamIdoing View Post
I understand where you are...

I love B with my heart and soul but thankfully for us I could never lie to him... we were swingers before J came into our life... and I was open and honest with B from day one about "wanting to do J"... and B always said go for it.

It was almost a joke... but then it started happening and J and I have developed a deep bond... and we are friends... I have spent time alone with him with B's knowledge and consent... this is KILLING B and we have had discussion upon discussion about this... BUT I NEVER CONSIDERED LYING TO him.

and interestingly enough J does not condone lying either so for either of us we could NOT have an affair... I can EASILY see how folks do it... but it's so NOT for me...

I'm suffering the pain of trying to get B comfortable with having J in OUR lives... because there are FOUR relationships here... me and B, B and J, J and me and the three of us...

this is without a doubt the hardest thing I've ever done... HURTING B has killed me... but I can't deny who I am nor do I want to walk away from J... and B to his credit, is letting me play this out... even as it kills him.

I think I would DIE if I had to lie to B... part of my joy is sharing stuff with him that happens with J that makes me happy... and none of it is sexual... J and I have not consummated our relationship yet...
I still don't know where that 1 day of lying came from, I didn't know I was capable of it and both of my guys are big on honesty as I am, which sometimes leads to conversations where we hurt each other because we're over analyzing and trying not to hurt each other.

All we can ever do is take the leap of faith that those we love will keep loving us for being our true selves and keep being honest with ourselves and each other. Best of luck to you!
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