Xanax in the morning. Prozac in the evening.
Sup friendly people.
Firstly I should say I don't see myself as "MOSTLY" a poly person and my views are probably offensive to many here. Being poly is just a small aspect of what I am. Secondly polyamory covers nearly every non mono relationship that exists so I am aware that my "POLYWAY" isn't the typical, I'm just lumped in like everyone else.
So why am I here and why are you reading this. Well like me you are probably interested in polyamory and the people that live the lifestyle. I find many of the stories people tell about their poly lives quite entertaining, so why not add my own.
I'm a late 20s male that has a wife and a child. 4 years ago or so I raised the topic about polyamory with my wife, it hit me as a great way to live simply because I prefer just a FEW but CLOSE relationships in my life. After having friends go due to them or myself moving cities/states, I figured the best way to have the social connections I wanted was to have another "wife". Someone that would be open to changing with my existing wife and I, someone that grows with us. From a logical viewpoint this makes sense, why commit your resources to close friendships which can fritter away due to no fault on your part?
At first the wife was shocked, but after some weeks and talking she was somewhat open to the idea. I wouldn't say she was embracing of it for quite some time though. After we looked in the poly circles close to us we realized those kind of people weren't for us. We are looking for others only open to committing to us in a romantic fashion, this throws out about 90% of the poly community (my feeling, not based in fact). The people we saw just weren't good enough either, even if we were open to something with them. That may offend some people that believe if it has a heartbeat you must give them a chance, but I guess we are just picky.
So after a year of poly failure I realized I had to turn myself into a poly converter. Someone that could take mono girls (who usually want commitment) and show them the beauty of polyfidelity. This probably upsets people that believe you are "born poly" in the same way gay people get upset if you suggest you can "turn gay". I wasn't born poly, I was heavily mono, extreme mono even, raised on the same christian hollywood soulmate bs most in the western world are. So I knew that if I could turn poly I could turn others, sort of like a poly vampire but using my mind.
So a few years of tuning those skills I finally am at the point now where I am very convincing to most people. We are finally in a triad that has been a 9 month slow progression and it is very nice. The third person we found feels to us like she has always been in our relationship, and she feels the same. At first it felt awkward being physical with someone new, because I've only known my wife in that way for so long. But if you take it slow enough it soon feels normal.
My advice to those looking for people to join their closed relationship is the same as when you found the first special someone in your life. Find someone that has a similar background and is compatible with you, yet different enough from your other partner. See if you can convince them to try out a poly lifestyle. Then see if the 3 of you are compatible as a group.
And whilst my wife and I had a great mono life together we must say that a poly triad is better and has made us closer. Having you both love another person is a rewarding experience, like having a child together.