I have been talking to Leo back and forth and have come to the conclusion that it will be easy for me to keep a non-sexual agreement because he identifies as a swinger. It seems to me that his wife is the center of his sexual and emotionally connected world and that anything else is sport and casualness. No love allowed in the equation except where she is concerned.
I don't seem to be able or willing to engage with anything that is not a loving connected sexual relationship so .... That is all great and it means that I will not be involved, even if there was opportunity. Bingo! I feel as if I have solved the confusion.
I had a really good talk with a well known and experienced slave and master last night. It was so good to be able to talk to people that are like minded in this way as I don't have the opportunity often. I don't involve Mono and I in the local scene as I find it gossipy, filled with drama and showy. I don't get the sense, in the 10 years of going to events that anyone who is out in the community at events is practicing with the same level of commitment and vulnerability as Mono and I do when we get a chance. The scene is mostly newbies and the more casual... All good, just not my taste ya know? That being said, he and I have a lot more work to do to really get to the depth of connected sub/dom relationship that we could. frustrating. We just don't have the time or space.
It caused me some envy listening to them talk of their play room and the equipment they have, where I only have the local events to go and play with such depth and they don't allow any open sexuality... I have been contemplating the idea of becoming a member just so we can have the opportunity to play as we do at home, but using the equipment the community provides at events. It would mean public nudity and open sexuality on Mono's part, so the choice is in his hands. I am not the type of mistress that pushes in terms of saying "you will do this regardless of your apprehension." It just isn't my mode of opperation.
My discussion with this couple lead to some interesting places as they are also swingers. They take the vulnerability of BDSM very seriously yet don't see swinging with the same respect. I found that interesting and somewhat validating as this was what my experience with swinging was like. The surface level of interaction didn't suit me. I find bodies interacting to be very vulnerable and emotional. The couple and I talked about that a bit and I told them my concerns for the amount of alcohol that people drank. They confirmed for me that there is a lot of scenes that don't involve safe sex and push people in a direction that could very well lead them to be in situations that perhaps they don't want to be in, because they are too drunk or not self aware enough to look after themselves. I suggested that perhaps there be more consideration on their part, more respect and empathy for those they engage with. I think it fell on deaf ears for the most part, although there was a glimmer of recognition in the masters eyes that he had not considered what I was talking about before now.
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Last edited by redpepper; 01-19-2012 at 06:51 AM.