Originally Posted by AJbear77
I want this whole battle to go away within me. I never wanted to think about this. If there werent poly people, I would never know and would be non the wiser. Now I keep trying to get to a place of understanding within me, and it is PAINFUL...and even though there are no immediate 'threats' I am still walking around feeling all these imagined threats...and I have broken down in tears on many occasions, and begged and prayed to anything that may be higher than me that listens and gives a shit "WHY"-I don't want this (reminds me of what I did for years over being gay). This goes both ways...I don't want to love another and I don't want her either. I want my fairytale (my gay one). I want us to be all to each other, but it seems like we are just deluding ourselves.
Sadly I think I may be the best person to understand you in some ways and yet I can't offer any help right now. Your struggle is too personal for me and I find myself spiralling into empathic sadness as opposed to objective sympathy.
I am genuinely sorry for your struggle and wish I could wipe it away.