Originally Posted by Polymonial
My wife and I have been happily married for almost 20 years, we have two kids, and we've been best friends (as well as lovers) since the day we met. Just over a week ago, I found out that she's bi (she only realized this herself about 7 months ago), that she fell in love with another woman, that she still loves me just as much as always, and that she wants a polyamorous "vee" relationship between the three of us.
I read this as the wife is in love, but has not necessarily consummated the relationship yet. It would be nice to get some clarification.
I feel bad for your wife coming to terms with her bisexuality at such a late date. It's obviously hard on both of you. But this is rather common. Cultural conditioning can make us blind to our bi urges. Denial can be very strong.
4. What other support groups would you recommend I reach out to for help?
5. What other advise do you have for me?
Thank you for any help or support you may have.
I went to a polyamory conference called Transcending Boundaries last year and attended a session led by Anita Wagner. Her website has some great information on opening a formerly monogamous relationship, and she provides lots of info on how the mono, especially, can come to terms and even enjoy their poly partner's new life. You might find her speaking at a conference near you, and want to go.
Look at the upper left corner of the main page, go to Practical Polyamory Website, and click on Downloadable Relationship Skills and Activism-Related Documents. There you will find such guidelines as Lemons and Lemonade: The Pleasure and Pain of Poly/Mono Relationships; and 14 Steps to Opening a Monogamous Relationship.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
Mags (poly, F, 61) loving miss pixi (poly, F, 39) since January 2009, living together since 2013
In a newish relationship with Steve, (34, poly)
"Master," (mono, 34), miss pixi's Dom for 3 years