Thanks for the feedback everyone has given. With regards to finding another partner and having him possibly as a secondary....I wasn't certain that I wanted to be poly in terms of my
having other partners. More like a mono within a poly relationship. Although I hadn't made any final decision along those lines.
While it would be nice in some ways to be able to remain friends, I have a hard time separating my heart from someone whose been a close friend and lover and not continue to miss them and long for them. It's hard to figure out whether it's better not seeing him in any capacity....or being around him in some capacity even if it's not what I fully want. I HATE it when that happens!
Sometimes I just wish I could turn my feelings right off...but I worked darn hard to finally get in touch with them after years of numbing.
It's not that we would be "enemies". I try not to waste time on stuff like that. I got along fine with both of my ex-husbands (even the one who cheated on me.) I didn't hang out with them much after our divorces, but I wished them nothing but the best.
The other challenge is that many of their friends and family have also become my friends. I have a few friends independent of them in the area where I live, but we don't share as many interests.
GRRRRRRR Sometimes I just want to kick myself for falling into this whole mess....and maybe that's ultimately what hurts the most. But who knows....maybe I would have kicked myself for at least not trying what could have been a wonderful thing?! And I am glad I made the move to a new area. I'm loving the no snow and ice thing in December!