Originally Posted by Polymonial
1. Do the hurt feelings ever go away? Have any monos in this group ever made it through successfully to being completely happy in this type of relationship, or am I doomed to a life of hurt feelings if I stay?
2. Can I change myself into a poly (or at least to feel good about being in a poly relationship) by using, for example, a 12-step behavior modification approach to retrain my thinking and feelings? Has anyone done this successfully? Or would I just be bottling up my emotions and setting the relationship up for failure?
3. Should I try going "full poly", i.e. fully embrace the poly lifestyle, invite additional partners, maybe even turn our "vee" into an "N" with my own secondary (or even a new primary) to balance the one-sidedness of this relationship? *Or would this just be emotional, reactionary, and destructive?
4. What other support groups would you recommend I reach out to for help?
5. What other advise do you have for me?
1.yes they go away or at least lesson, but not without a huge change in thinking and perspective and a huge amount of work. good news is that if you are up for it you might just come out with a stronger relationship and a better understanding of yourself.
2.there is no quick answer to this. You might be poly yourself, but its early days yet and you by no means have to be or are expected to be.
3.emotionally reactive and destructive. Give it time my friend... lots of time and educate yourself first.
4. and 5.you have come to a really good site, use it.... start searching in the tags and stickies here and find some information and support. Thanks for starting the process of asking questions. That is a good start... your partner should be doing the same thing, because cheating is not poly...! She has not acted with love in her heart, but out of selfishness. No worries, a lot of people do, but it is time to readjust and get on a better path with you at her side... she has a lot more work to do than you. I suggest she start educating herself MORE.