Originally Posted by JRiverMartin
Let's face it, most of us grew up believing that True Love means Mongamous Love, exclusivity--simple pair bonding. With that, we grew up believing (most of us) that even so much as to desire multiple loves, while in a committed relationship, signals a lack of complete love with our present committed partner. Movies, television shows, songs, churches, families... have whispered or shouted this message in our ears all of our lives -- and continue to do so. So your husband may hear your confession or declaration that you'd like to open your relationship up as "You're not good enough for me, so I'd like to ...". And this may be an extremly difficult thing to get beyond. But it may be possible.
Yeah, this is what I am still hung up on! How is monogamy NOT a sign of true love???? Not forced monogamy, but the person only wanting to be with you by choice and natural inclination???! What is left sacred if you share your body and your emotions/love with someone else???? I don't get it, I don't get it, I don't get it. I don't get how poly people say it adds something to the relationship when it CLEARLY is taking away. If my partner were to be having sex with another person, that is TAKING away the sex I could be having with her. If she is having dinner/out for a walk/snuggling another, that is TAKING away from she and I doing that! It is clearly taking away. It does not get any more plain to see.
I want this whole battle to go away within me. I never wanted to think about this. If there werent poly people, I would never know and would be non the wiser. Now I keep trying to get to a place of understanding within me, and it is PAINFUL...and even though there are no immediate 'threats' I am still walking around feeling all these imagined threats...and I have broken down in tears on many occasions, and begged and prayed to anything that may be higher than me that listens and gives a shit "WHY"-I don't want this (reminds me of what I did for years over being gay). This goes both ways...I don't want to love another and I don't want her either. I want my fairytale (my gay one). I want us to be all to each other, but it seems like we are just deluding ourselves. I keep thinking that even though we have amazing love, perhaps there is still that 'one' out there for each of us that would have it to where we never felt like we needed/wanted someone else. It HAS to exist...it just has to. I mean, I am sure there are poly identified people very content with a monogamous relationship...if it is the RIGHT person. If two poly people are only with each other, what does that mean??? It means they don't need/want anyone else...and THERE you have it!!
Sorry, I keep trying to get away from here but I spent 20 min yesterday trying to cancel my account and did not see an option then I get a notification that someone has written to something I have and I end up back here..in turmoil.