Originally Posted by Somegeezer
.......Hmmm. I mean, it's only my opinion here and have no facts to go by, but it sounds to me like he only wants to see you when it is convenient for him. It doesn't sound like a very good relationship. =/ .......
I used that expression with him in response to him at the time, e.g., "when it is convenient" in addition to "little or no effort" and he was insulted telling me it wasn't about effort or convenience. Said he was "run to the ground" and just "couldn't commit to any schedule, calendar, boxes", etc. Yet when I next go to their house he is busy putting up outdoor Christmas decorations. Now in my world in a relationship of declared love...poly or mono....outdoor
Christmas decorations be dam#ed for the time being! There's always another year when things settle down for what I consider to be "extras" like that.
My couple then decides to write me a letter together to "better help me understand the poly lifestyle". To my knowledge there is no ONE poly-lifestyle, and I was living and working off the explanation he had given to me as to what they said they wanted in terms of a core poly-family with outside relationships. (Having said all along I didn't want to be in a poly-relationship with him as one of those "outside" or secondary relationships.) I think he just got in over his head and didn't like admitting that he wasn't currently up to living the reality of the poly lifestyle he had said he was interested in creating. He said "if
he hurt me he was truly sorry because that was never his intent." IF
???.....Get real! That's where some of the anger comes in. They appear to be blaming me in some ways for being upset due to my "lack of understanding about the poly lifestyle" and he questions the fact that I'm hurt by all this??!! I just wish he'd take some ownership about the whole thing in terms of admitting he screwed up. Maybe not intentionally, but never-the-less, screwed up in over-estimating his abilities when I originally raised concerns about adequate time and attention for everyone when it came to poly.