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Old 12-18-2010, 11:15 AM
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DrunkenPorcupine DrunkenPorcupine is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 175

I am also struggling with the idea of accepting that I am poly.
You're not poly. Poly is specifically "consentual non-monogamy". What you're describing is cheating.

Why can something that is wrong make me feel so happy?
The short version? Because in everything you mentioned you ignored "How N feels". You mentioned fear of yourself going against societal norms, your feelings to T and N, et cetera.

But not how N would react. Not the pain you will cause him by cheating.

Therein lies your answer. It can feel good because you're not giving regard to how N will be crushed. You might be aware it will happen, but your sense of empathy towards it hasn't kicked in.
Connection is the path to passion. Passion is not the path to connection.
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