Well its about to become non sexual by your definition again Magdyln as I have been told today that she is the primary and calls the shots for their relationship. He is going with her boundaries and I am now waiting to hear what those are.
They have a heirarchy arrangement it seems and I must adjust. Apparently its okay for her to have other men in her life, but its not okay that he be close to another woman. She has really low self esteem and feelings of self worth and has been jealous for some time of my being in his life. Maybe more than that is going on, but that is what I have been told. She has been unable to find someone who will love and appreciate her as he does. Its too bad, and I feel for her, but I need to live with that as a result. I don't mind boundaries so much as the hypocrisy.
I am going at her pace as she is the one struggling. What else can I do. Nothing I guess but wait. I told him today that I will go back to monthly meets at coffee shops etc and we shall see how it goes. With their boundaries in place and Mono's it could very well be not worth it. I admit that. We shall see.
Right now I am feeling completely defeated and hurt. I don't take kindly to my freedom being squelched by those I don't chose to, so there is some anger there also. I'm being patient though and empathetic for the most part in terms of communication. I think she deserves that respect.
I really don't know much but the little bits I get from him and piece together, so I could be way off. He's not the best at being forth coming with concrete information that I can work with so I have asked him point blank what boundaries I have to work with in order to not mess around with their stuff as its not my business. What my business is is what happens next and as we didn't discuss any boundaries on his side before now we damned well better. I need some very firm ones to work with before we go any further.
I know where I stand with Mono now, we worked that out I think. I can move forward on that end, I need this worked out, then a date can be set to meet again. I'm all business tonight. Fuck it, when it comes down to it, emotions aside, its all business complete with protocol and procedure. I'm on it. Must be a full moon coming up
I have heard through the grape vine that some people expect that we have all our shit together because we come across that way on here. To the larger extent we do, but we are also in perpetual motion and change and no on ever knows what will come up. We have worked out many things and do have a great deal of knowledge about how poly has worked for us, but as far as I am concerned poly/mono relationships are never going to be "worked out." it is not possible I don't think. There will always be problems and compromises and sacrifice.
If you have been reading here you will know that I believe a compromise means that boundaries are not settled yet. Mono and I will always be in a perpetual struggle with compromises. I hate it, I find it completely exhausting and frustrating but we must stay in a state of compromise as we will never find a boundary agreement that suits both of us I don't think. Its just not possible, so hang on to your seats and enjoy the ride, because I am not giving up and neither is he. We will continue to battle it out because we love each other. Funnily enough that love is intensified for me because of our struggle. The passion has increased ten fold and my pussy hurts