I think I am figuring out more and more about this. The relationship RP has with Leo has come close to levels of intimacy that cross boundaries for me. I'm not sure where their level of closeness is heading or what they do in the grey area between friendship and two people who love each other and want each other sexually. We've known that for a long time but the room visit confirmed that I am worried things are going too far down the physical path. A good way to gauge if something is going to far is if you wouldn't do it with me sitting in the room because you think it would disturb me, then that is too much. I don't know how to put it any simpler. The tricks I play in my head are simply trying to deny that that level of intimacy and contact occurs. The other trick is I secretly limit our relationship in my mind. That seems to create balance for me. It is totally unfair but it seems to help. I'm not open to other men in Redpepper's life in intimate ways. I am open to her having all the male friends in the world. I was happy with her relationship with Leo and still am. It's not an all or nothing. If that movie had of been anywhere else it might have been different. I wouldn't have been so aware of them being so close and if I didn't hear about the energy they created I wouldn't have reacted as such I think. I tested something, pushed something and it didn't work. Yes, my acceptance of their relationship is based "partly" on skimming over how connected they are but it works. I need to give a little, and I need to do whatever it takes to do that, but the room visit was too much ultimately. I felt like I facilitated her pushing our boundaries as well as her own boundaries with Leo.
Maybe one day I will change
I'm late for work, take care everyone. We'll get through this.